Let’s face it; we all experience this from time to time. That elephant in the room that everyone’s aware of, but no one wants to talk about. It could be the conversation you need to have with your parents, or with your child or spouse. It could be the talk that needs to happen between you and an employee or coworker. Whether it’s the big elephant or a bunch of small stuff that’s been swept under the rug for years… either way it’s encroaching on, and diminishing the intimacy and authenticity of your relationship.
So why are these very necessary conversations so hard to have? It’s our FEAR OF PAIN. Come on, nobody likes pain. Given the choice, we all choose comfort over confrontation. The very thought of having the conversation produces anxiety in us because our fear is, “this is not going to go well or end well”. That thought process is true for all of us, but that entire process happens in our head, and gets all twisted up with the worst possible outcome, which produces more anxiety. Mark twain said, “I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened”.
My experience is this, while they are difficult to have, the positive outcomes to these conversations far outweigh the rare negative ones. I can still remember getting the phone call from Kirsten saying, “We need to talk, I’m coming to pick you up”. GULP! I didn’t know what it was about, but I knew it couldn’t be good. I remember this sick feeling in my stomach waiting for her to arrive. I’ll save the details for another post, but suffice it to say, it was one of the toughest conversations of my life, but in the months following that conversation our relationship soared to new heights because of it.
Avoidance is the best short-term strategy to ensure long-term misery. Muster the courage, lay down the negative thoughts, and go have the conversation. Freedom is on the other end.
When does the most important part of your day start? At least five days a week you are spending the majority of your waking hours at work. During any given day there are tasks you perform that are routine, and others that can be stressful due to the importance associated with them, but I believe your most important work starts at the end of the day… when you pull the car into the driveway or garage and turn off the ignition. Typically, there’s a deep breath because your workday is finally done, and you can relax, right?! The truth is, your most important work is just about to begin.
Your greatest gift to me is a beautiful package with three things in it; unconditional love, prayer and example.
This is still a little raw but it’s a great lesson I’ve recently learned and worth sharing. Easter Sunday should be a fairly peaceful day with family and friends, right… well not so much this year. Kirsten (my wife) and Brielle (my soon to be 13 year old daughter) had just got home from church and everything’s great. Brielle invites me into her room to show me a new poster she bought (Justin Bieber), and as she opens the door to her room she almost steps on her keyboard which is on the floor. I interrupt what we’re there for (seeing the poster) to tell her to find a better place to put the keyboard. She proceeds with the original purpose of why we’re there and doesn’t acknowledge my comment. This makes me feel there is a lack of respect, which results in my stern speech about respect, which brings her to tears.
God spoke to Moses: “You’re about to die and be buried with your ancestors. You’ll no sooner be in the grave than this people will be up and whoring after the foreign gods of this country that they are entering. They will abandon me and violate my Covenant that I’ve made with them. I’ll get angry, oh so angry! I’ll walk off and leave them on their own, won’t so much as look back at them. 
Sometimes we make a promise to a child and then life happens. The commitment, that promise then gets mixed in with the busyness of our lives. Somehow we start prioritizing all that we are juggling and the promise get postponed and sometimes retracted or forgotten. A broken promise to a child is the same thing as a lie. Broken promises will destroy your relationship with your child. (And others for that matter) I know from firsthand experience. Today I have a good grasp on the importance of this but with my first child I blew it. I’m grateful that God has restored that relationship and if you’ve blown it, own it and make it right. It’s never too late. Start today! As fathers this has a lot to do with how our children will approach and trust God (
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