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28 Apr 2013

Becoming A Stronger Spiritual Leader

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Posted in Fathers, Husbands, Leadership | Leave a comment

Learn Grow LeadTo state things simply, a man is made to lead. This is a God given, innate desire and calling for every man, but becoming a strong spiritual leader does not happen by chance. This would be the obvious place to start listing things you should do, like reading your Bible daily, praying daily and meeting with a weekly men’s group who will challenge and encourage you. While these are key ingredients, I’d like you to consider another approach.

If you read the title and thought there was room for you to grow as a spiritual leader, the first step is deciding to. You will be finished reading this in the next 60 seconds, and it will be very easy to move on with your day without changing anything. Nothing is more difficult than change. Nothing is more difficult than doing something one way for an extended period of time and then stopping and restarting. I get that! I’m challenging you to do something every man needs to. Decide right now you are going to become a stronger spiritual leader for yourself and your family.

If you said yes to the challenge, increasing your intimacy with God is the next step. You can do the practical things listed above, but these disciplines without intimacy with the Father wither in time. Without relationship you will find yourself at the beginning of each year renewing old resolutions. Revelation 2:5 “…Repent and do what you did at first.” This is the path to spiritual growth.

So if intimacy is key, how do I increase it? Great question! How would you go about increasing intimacy with your wife and children? The answer is obvious isn’t it? TIME. Your spiritual leadership becomes stronger in proportion to your time spent with Jesus.

When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus. Acts 4:13 I want that said of me! How about you?

03 Apr 2013

Having The Tough Conversation

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Posted in Change, Parenting, Relationships | 2 Comments

difficult conversationLet’s face it; we all experience this from time to time. That elephant in the room that everyone’s aware of, but no one wants to talk about. It could be the conversation you need to have with your parents, or with your child or spouse. It could be the talk that needs to happen between you and an employee or coworker.  Whether it’s the big elephant or a bunch of small stuff that’s been swept under the rug for years… either way it’s encroaching on, and diminishing the intimacy and authenticity of your relationship.

So why are these very necessary conversations so hard to have? It’s our FEAR OF PAIN. Come on, nobody likes pain. Given the choice, we all choose comfort over confrontation. The very thought of having the conversation produces anxiety in us because our fear is, “this is not going to go well or end well”. That thought process is true for all of us, but that entire process happens in our head, and gets all twisted up with the worst possible outcome, which produces more anxiety. Mark twain said, “I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened”.

My experience is this, while they are difficult to have, the positive outcomes to these conversations far outweigh the rare negative ones. I can still remember getting the phone call from Kirsten saying, “We need to talk, I’m coming to pick you up”. GULP! I didn’t know what it was about, but I knew it couldn’t be good. I remember this sick feeling in my stomach waiting for her to arrive. I’ll save the details for another post, but suffice it to say, it was one of the toughest conversations of my life, but in the months following that conversation our relationship soared to new heights because of it.

Avoidance is the best short-term strategy to ensure long-term misery. Muster the courage, lay down the negative thoughts, and go have the conversation. Freedom is on the other end.

27 Mar 2013

The Real You Wants Out!

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Posted in Adversity, Identity, The Heart | Leave a comment

When I grow upIf you are in your 30’s or older, you’ve asked yourself the question, “How did I get here?“ After high school or college there were all these possibilities and expectations about life. The world was full of opportunity. But that’s not what happened. For a lot of us the responsibilities just piled up while the fun and adventure drained out. Life became heavy, more about responsibility than adventure, more about duty than purpose or meaning.

Have you ever asked yourself, “What is it I’d really love to do or be?” What is the dream you have had since childhood? What is that thing you would do for free because you enjoy it so much? If you have had these thoughts, and you know the answer to the question, you were almost immediately confronted with thoughts like, “I’d have to go back to school.” “I couldn’t make a living at that.” “I don’t have the money.” “My family would think I was crazy”, and on and on. Because of those thoughts we almost immediately leave the question and answer behind and move on with our day.

But, what if right now you allowed those negative thoughts to come, and while some of them might be valid, just give yourself permission to lay them aside for a minute. Give yourself permission to unpack that “thing”, that dream and give it room to breathe. Regardless of all the impossibilities, what does it feel like to see yourself doing or being “that”?

If feels good doesn’t it! Real good! A God that loves you very dearly placed that desire in you, and He put it there for you to discover and dream about and fulfill. You may have given up on it or put it on a shelf, but He hasn’t. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and He plans to prosper you and not to harm you, He plans to give you hope and a future.

Harold Thurman said, “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” I double dog dare you!

How about you? Have you faced some of this? I’d love to hear your thoughts! Click the Comments link above the picture and let me know what you think.

21 Mar 2013

One Strategic Move to Getting Unstuck

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Posted in Change, Husbands, Relationships | 2 Comments

Getting UnstuckIf you’ve been married a couple years or more and you are willing to be brutally honest, your marriage is probably mediocre at best. I apologize for starting out so bluntly, but stick with me for a minute. The first part in making it better is identifying and admitting where you are. The other issue is you aren’t sure how it got that way… it happened so subtlety. You woke up one day and realized it wasn’t great.

You want to know what happened? You stopped pursuing your spouse. It’s that simple… and hard. Men, when you were dating you’d talk for hours on the phone, you’d go to the chick flicks, you’d drive hours to spend 15 minutes with the one you love. You pursued her! But once you “got” her… you stopped. Granted there may be a lot of scars, anger and disappointment present today, but those are by-products of not pursuing your wife.

Another trap we get into is surveying the landscape and comparing our marriage to those around us. Come on! With a 50% divorce rate, if you are still together you are doing a lot better than those around you, aren’t you? The problem with the married couples you’re comparing to is that their marriage is mediocre too.

Pick any area of your life and ask yourself this question, “Can I neglect that area, not work at it, and see growth or success over a long period of time?” The answer is absolutely positively NO! Yet couples say, “why don’t we have a good marriage?” When for years they have been neglecting it. Consider your body; don’t eat right and don’t exercise and your heath is going to decline. Don’t manage your workplace, don’t plan ahead and your business will decline. Take your yard for example; don’t cut, fertilize or water it for just one year and you will have a mess. Over a long period of time you will only see deterioration!

Here is the hardest part… you don’t know what to do to make it any better. TO GET WHAT YOU ONCE HAD, YOU MUST DO WHAT YOU ONCE DID. Period. Own it! This one strategic move, consistently practiced, will propel you out of mediocrity.

How do I know this will work? Eight years ago my marriage was shattered. With bitterness, resentment, anger and the works, I began to love, cherish and serve my wife without expecting anything in return. I began to do what I’d done at the beginning of our relationship. Was it a quick fix? No. Was it hard work at times? Yes. Was it worth it? Yes! Yes! Yes! Love never fails. Today Kirsten and I are best friends, we enjoy each other’s company… we actually like one another :0) Get started today! You can do this!

18 Mar 2013

The Hostage You’re Holding May Be You

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Posted in Kindness, Lessons, Relationships, The Heart | 2 Comments

Hostage

I had lunch with my friend Grady today, and learned we shared a similar experience. So much so, I believe there may be a few of you who have also. While most people have heard the saying, “money is the root of all evil”. 1 Timothy 6:10 really says it a bit different, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil…” Money is not evil, it’s the love of money that is. Ok, now that we have that straight. What if like Grady and me, you have this money thing down pretty well. That is to say, you know God is your provider, it all belongs to Him, and you’re in a place where it doesn’t run your life nor do you run after it.

Over the years I’ve had the opportunity to say yes when friends have asked for loans. I’ve needed the same kind of help through the years, and I feel privileged to be able to pay it forward so to speak. Sometimes God has asked me to forgive the loans, which I have done, and I’m grateful to say the same has been done for me. Again, I think I’ve got this money thing down pretty good, which leads me to the part where I got tripped up.

Through most of last year I had these checks sitting on my desk. The checks were payments on loans, but I was asked to hold them until they let me know it was ok to deposit them. No problem right! Three months goes by and no word to deposit. Six months goes by and it’s gotten even quieter. The truth is, the amount of the checks is insignificant… it’s not going to make me or break me, but I’m seeing the checks on my desk and it’s the principle of the thing… At least continue to communicate with me… Then I’d see these people on Facebook and I’m admitting I didn’t like the feeling it produced in me. So the next day at work I hid the checks under my keyboard so they wouldn’t be a constant reminder and I removed the friends from showing up on my Facebook timeline. Problem solved, right? WRONG!

Had the checks never been written, I don’t believe I would have had a problem with it. It’s God’s money after all. You’ve heard it said, “it’s the principle of the thing” right? Well the principle of the thing was messing me up inside! I can remember praying, ‘God I don’t want to feel like this towards them, help me with this’, but it wasn’t until a Saturday morning when He helped me see those checks were doing a lot more harm than any good they could ever do. I drove to my office, ripped up the checks, forgave the debt and my peace returned. Grady’s story was so similar it just made me think someone else’s story might be too, and just maybe if you’re in that “stuck” place we were in for a while, this might help you get “unstuck” today.

Are you holding someone accountable for something that’s out of your control? Let it go today. The hostage you’re holding may be you.

26 Feb 2013

How are you?

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Posted in Random Thoughts, The Heart | Leave a comment

handshake

How are you?
How are you doing today?
How’s it going?

These are questions you get asked many times each day. If you are like most, you reply quickly with the same answer you always give.

Fine, how are you?
I’m good, how about you?
OK, and you?

These questions have become customs in our culture. They are as common as the handshake and almost as meaningless. The handshake used to be a bond or a promise. It was a guarantee of a man’s word. “Let’s shake on it”. Today the handshake has been replaced with a 14 page contract drawn up by lawyers. A handshake today is a mere pleasantry, something you do upon meeting and greeting someone. When someone extends their hand to you, yours automatically extends to meet theirs, it’s customary. In the same sense, we say “Hi” or “Hello” as an expression of greeting. It comes natural, we don’t have to work on remembering to say hello when we greet someone. Hello, in itself, requires no thought from the person to whom it was directed. It doesn’t ask anything of them, it is simply a pleasantry. Somewhere along the way we added “How are you?” to “hello,” but we really just lengthened the pleasantry.

Let’s be honest, out of all the times you have said, “Hello, how are you?” or “I’m fine, how are you?” how often do you really mean: I’m concerned about you. I love you and care about you. I really want to know what is going on in your world because I want to know if there is a way I can help. Now before you answer, let’s all remember what our day to day life is like. We are all very, very busy… multitasking, jobs, kids, school, traffic, etc. Take a quick look at your calendar… How many entries are listed for an honest response to the question, “How are you?” Do you really have time for three people a day to actually tell you the truth? In fact, do you really have the time to tell anyone the truth when you’re asked? Do you have anyone in your life that you trust enough to tell them the truth if they asked?

Imagine with me for a minute that Jesus is sitting across from you right now. He lovingly smiles at you and says, “Hello, how are you?” What is your response? Do you answer the same way you do when everyone else asks? The Creator of the universe has just asked how you are. What do you say? What do you trust Him with enough to share with Him? God is the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, He knows all things, and in fact, He knows how you are doing right now better than you do. Do you know how many hairs are on your head today? He does. He already knows any and everything you could possibly share with him and yet He asks you… He gives you the choice and the opportunity to talk about anything you desire. Let’s imagine further that Jesus speaks again asking, “Is there any hurt place in your heart you would like Me to heal? Is there any area in your life right now that needs encouraging? Is there anything you would like Me to speak to? Is there anything at all I can do for you… or are you OK?”

Now our mind begins to race. Jesus has just asked me if there is anything He can heal, encourage, speak to or am I OK. Almost like He was heading out to the store and said, “I’m going out to get a few things, do you need anything, or are you OK?” Do I trust God enough to ask Him for help? Do I trust God enough to admit to Him those places in my heart that have been hurt? Do I trust God enough with the areas in my life that have been beaten down and need encouraging? Do I have time to sit and talk?

Making room for people might be tough… Making room for God is vital.

Matthew 7:7-12 The Message
Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?

11 Feb 2013

Will The Real Hero Please Stand Up Series

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Posted in Kindness, Leadership, Lessons | Leave a comment

will-the-real-hero-stand-up-blog-artToday’s post is on my friend Justin Brackett’s site. (www.justinthesouth.com) Justin has started a new blog series entitled “Will The Real Hero Please Stand Up”. Over the next month he is having multiple contributors tell who their heroes are and why. Ordinary men standing up and being real men… Heroic men. Check out my post and stay tuned to the rest of the series here: Kindness Changes Lives

18 Dec 2012

It’s Your Timing That’s Off!

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Posted in Change, Lessons | Leave a comment

looking at watch2Check out this awesome promise given to the Israelites as God tells them about their promised land.

Exodus 23:25-30 Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span. “I will send my terror ahead of you and throw into confusion every nation you encounter. I will make all your enemies turn their backs and run. I will send the hornet ahead of you to drive the Hivites, Canaanites and Hittites out of your way. But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you. Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.

To think that a blessing from God (Him basically wiping out all your enemies… literally clearing them from the land) to think that could be a negative thing… even a harmful thing is a bit shocking isn’t it. Me personally, the way I’m wired says, “lets get this done!” But look at the wisdom in verse 29 But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you. God knew exactly what to do, how to do it and when. His timing is perfect. The other interesting this is that He knew they needed to increase, they needed to change to make this successful as well.

God has made so many promises to each of us, but a lot of times it feels like His timing is a little off doesn’t it. Guess what I’m reminded of today. His timing is perfect. My wisdom is laughable to Him and I just might need to increase.

06 Dec 2012

God Hurry Help!

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Posted in Adversity, Change, Lessons | 4 Comments

God Hurry Help

Everyone has something going on in their lives. There is at least one area of your life where there is some kind of adversity or obstacle or resistance.  If that’s not true, give it a day or two.

James tells us to consider it pure joy when we face trials… but come on… no one enjoys Resistance and Obstacles and Adversity…

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Most of you will agree with me that God will use your current circumstances for your good. Regardless of how you got there, God can use it for your good. Whether someone did something to you or you made a bad decision that got you there… whatever the reason, right?! We have all made bad decisions that got us into a pickle… We can look back and say “Yep I did that.”

What I’d like you to consider is this: What if… God is responsible for, or has allowed, your current circumstances… I want to let that sink in for just a minute… What if… What if God has orchestrated events in your life that have directed you into a not so good place…

Some of you right now are beginning to think “God is good… why would He do that?” well stick with me. Would you just consider with me that the adversity you’re facing is God’s doing… for your good.

Here’s what I know to be true, Muscles only grow by experiencing resistance. Faith grows the same way… you can spend years studying, but if you never get to apply your learning your just book smart…

OK So all that to say, there is a strength that comes from adversity.

God has created each and every man to have Impact and Influence. He created you a certain way… He wired you a particular way, and He has created and allowed circumstances and adversity to help mold you, and form you, and mature you into that very thing. AHA! I’m starting to understand James a little better now!

The following is a familiar story but it’s right inline with what we’re talking about.

A man finds a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther.

Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. And we could never fly.

Here is an interesting thought… If God really IS orchestrating some adversity in your life to help you grow into the man He has created you to be. He has got to be saying “Bless your heart” when He hears you praying prayers that sound like this:

God hurry help
God get me out of this
God make a way
God rescue me
God fix this

So what I want you to consider is this. Take your current situation, your current season, take that thing that you’ve been praying to God for His help to break or release or rescue. Come on… Let’s get real honest for a minute… what is it? is it a financial hardship? is it a heath issue? is it a relational problem? Marriage, children, siblings? Are you going through life lately asking “What the heck is going on?!”
What if… just maybe, this thing you are trying to escape or fix is God’s doing or “allowing” FOR YOUR GOOD!

Jeremiah 29:10-11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

How about Joseph: can anyone relate to Joseph? Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Here is the verse about Joseph (Genesis 39:21)… Really a theme throughout his life that just blows me away.

Genesis 39:21 But the LORD was with Joseph and extended kindness to him, and gave him favor… WHAT! If you know Josephs story there are plenty of years in his life that didn’t look very kind or favor filled! Here are four things Joseph knew to be true:
1. God is in control;
2. God is at work even when it doesn’t seem obvious;
3. God’s work in our lives is complex and multifaceted; and
4. Even if everything is against us, God is for us.

Let me give you a personal example. In 2005 my wife and I were separated for 11 months and 14 days. She left for a lot of reasons but most importantly was the fact that I was not providing for my family the way I should have been.

What I was trying to do, and praying for God’s help to do, right up to the time she left was trying to save or prolong what had become a very dysfunctional relationship. We weren’t friends, we had grown apart, etc. I’m praying “God fix us”, “God help this business I’m trying to start to prosper” and He won’t… He didn’t… and today I am so very grateful he didn’t… You see I, and if your honest, most of you; we all want the easiest, quickest way out of painful situations and circumstances. All God had to do was answer a prayer or two I had prayed… Simply allow a few prospects to become customers… to me at that moment that’s what needed to happen… that would have fixed things.

The truth is, that would have prolonged things and the existing relationship… but come on, that’s a whole lot better than separation or divorce right… or so I thought. You see, I had one perspective (God help fix this spot I’m in) and God has His perspective… His is always better by the way. His perspective was this; I don’t just want to prevent separation or divorce, I want your relationship to thrive! I want you and Kirsten to both become more healed and whole so that you can love one another again… so you can like one another again… so you can be a help to each other and foster love to each other, your children and others. In addition to all that I want the Glory! I want you and those around you to have no other explanation… But God.

You want to know the problem with His perspective? To accomplish it, His plan involved almost a year of separation, His plan involved a time out of sorts to do some needed work in our hearts. His plan involved pain. His plan involved me having to learn and grow and change. His plan involved some hard work. His plan involved sacrifice.

All that to say, today looking back, I have proof if you will that God was much more than a bystander or someone to “help me out”. He orchestrated some things… even some hard things… all for my good

God is in this! Remember Genesis 39:21 “But the LORD was with Joseph and extended kindness to him, and gave him favor…” well the Lord is with Michael and He is extending kindness to me, and giving me favor… AND the same is true for every one of you! The Lord is with you, He is extending Kindness to you and showing you favor.

Can you just for a minute begin to look at your situation, your circumstance, your dilemma in a new way. In a way that has God in control and responsible, to see you though… to show you kindness and favor? I hope so!

You have questions and doubts, but God doesn’t. You have fears and struggles, but God doesn’t. Walk like that. Talk like that. Lead like that.

14 Oct 2012

I’m Back!

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Hi All,

After some comments from my last post it appears I didn’t make it very clear I was out of my funk. While it lasted 10 months, this last month I have been renewed and refreshed ;0) I’m back! Look for some good stuff to come very soon.

Michael

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